i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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