So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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