I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
