At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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