I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
