So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
