Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
