..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
