Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
