marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
