so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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