When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
