I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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