Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
