Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
