I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
