i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
