umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
