I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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