eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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