I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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