Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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