My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It's Friday. Sex?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
