Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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