you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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