I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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