She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
