dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
