ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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