so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
