I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
