Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
