Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
