i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
