I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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