Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
