ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
