Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
