My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
