Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
