OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
