just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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