Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
