Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
