If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just puked most of my soul out..
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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