everyone is single if you try hard enough
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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