I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
