...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
