im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
