Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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