dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Did we literally take a cab across the street
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
