Your dad touched me again.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
