There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
