i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
