i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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