It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i need some magic done to my vagina
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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