Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
