I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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