I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
