Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
