what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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