I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We are two peas in an std pod
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
