This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
