hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
