Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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