if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
