i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
