and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
