fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
