Do you still have your period?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
