Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize