well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
