He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
