hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Church boner. Awkwardddd
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize