at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
