just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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