i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
