just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
