I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
