I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize