I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
