Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We got so high we made milksteak
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
