Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
we're so committed to being not committed
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
