im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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