You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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