It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
