So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
