carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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