My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Be still, my beating vagina.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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