Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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