but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
