whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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